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Forgiveness ~ a topic that's challenging for many, as far as I've discovered.
On numerous occasions quite recently, I find myself encouraging people to forgive those (especially loved ones) who had, in their experience, hurt them deeply. The hurt or betrayal had left such a gaping gash that it was very challenging for them to move beyond that point in time when it happened. I comforted them the best I could, listened as long as it required, gave out tissues and hugs. I also suggested taking their time to heal but added that it would help greatly if they forgave their offenders. That last bit usually doesn't go down well.
While most of them said hesitantly (and very reluctantly) that they will think about it or work on it, someone actually looked at me and asked with pure disbelief in her eyes and near-horror in her tone of voice, how is it possible for her to forgive such a major thing?! Another one had a look that implied "Are you serious?!"
In short, I didn't do a good job. Much more was said after they got over their initial indignation, and from what I have read beyond the words, I do believe that there's a part of them that would be willing to consider forgiveness (given sufficient time) but surely it can't be as easy as just saying let it go and move on?
I'm not really into lengthy processing or procedures, so all I could offer them was a simple method of just doing a "decide it's time/forgive/let go/move on". And each time the mind strays and replays the hurtful past, repeat the process again. And again, and again, and again....with each time becoming easier and faster to get past the past.
But since it would appear that most people would prefer to be walked through a more thorough process (of which I was clueless), Sandra Walter's step-by-step guidance was perfect both in tutoring and timing because it arrived the following day after I had tried in vain to convince someone that forgiving really is key in moving forward. I think it's also really astute that she calls it a Forgiveness "Ceremony" ~ I believe it will certainly appeal to many to at least give it a go.
Will the hurt be fully healed and not bother us ever again? Maybe, but likely not. The point is to move on and free ourselves, even if we still feel the vestiges of pain or flashes of memory. It's like some of us have childhood scars from painful falls or accidents that never go away, but they no longer bother or debilitate us any more.
Forgiving others does not in any way shape or form equate to agreeing or condoning what happened. Forgiving enables us to extricate ourselves from that shared field of time-space reality in which the "deed" took place so that it no longer remains phase-locked in our own field. It's like taking back our energy that the shared reality-field was repeatedly expending each time we re-lived the experience in agony, resentment, bitterness, hatred etc. The price we pay is horrendously high each time we are presented with the bill after we order up the experience over and over again.
Forgiveness is so much more than being "kind". Forgiveness is ultimately for ourselves as well, because it truly frees us from the studded shackles we've placed around our hearts, the crown of thorns that hurt our heads, and the ball-and-chain we've cuffed to our lives. Forgiving others is liberating ourselves from being bonded to the past. Forgiveness inspires self-growth.
Forgiving is "for-giving ourselves"....for giving ourselves the freedom and the signal to move forward.
What about the other end of the equation? When we are laden with guilt over something we did? When we ourselves hurt someone else? The principle is the same, except with one pertinent aspect ~ what we have learnt in the process, to ensure that we don't make the same mistake again. "When we know better, we do better."
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Namarie! 💚
